from ur words i just realize something u didn't realize it urself, u r not devil u r and not an angle as well u r a human that have much feeling than we all ,ok then about the case of ur father its not shameful not to feel sad about ur father's death , ur father is just one human u met in ur life its true that ur father should have something special in our hearts but things r not always normal don't feel evil u r a human think more about ur father and the real reasons that made a gap between u
think positive and u will find all the good parts in ur life
on elast word
DONT WORRY BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HAPPPYYYYYY
PEACE